fancharana
vent

I know a size 5 is not fat, but I used to be a 3...and now my 5's are feeling a bit snug at times. 

Ick, I hate bitching about weight. I've always been a believer that if you want to change something the only way to do it is to get off your ass and change it, but I can't seem to get off my ass.

I have a gym right across the street. I have no friends/social life so it's not like I do anything, but I'm still sitting around and growing blubber like it's a factory. I hate looking in the mirror because I feel gross every time I do, like I'm getting more and more deformed each time. My corset tops barely fit anymore, I'm too self conscious to wear just a tank top or tee shirt because I hate my arms, and I'll NEVER even CONSIDER a skirt or shorts. Walking to the library to use the internet is the extent of me moving during the day, which is ridiculously sad considering I used to ride horses, run, climb buildings, and do other crazy stuff almost everyday. 

I hate what I'm turning into, but I have no motivation to go do something about it. I have no friends, or significant other to impress, and/or I'm not going out anywhere anymore. Other people are the only reason I've ever bothered to keep some maintenance on myself. No matter how thin I get, or what clothes I buy, or how I get my hair cut, nothing will make me feel good about myself. I rely on other people for that, and now  that I don't have anyone, I just can't seem to care.